Open Letter

I was sitting in the pediatrician’s office going through my yearly physical to be eligible for the track team in high school when the Nurse Practitioner told me that I appeared to be healthy and asked me if there was anything else I wanted to ask about. At the time I wasn’t worried too much but I thought it was weird enough to say something, “Well, I do have this lump.” I had no family history of breast cancer so it set off no red flags. I was told that because of my age it was most likely a cyst and nothing to worry about but over the next few months it started to change and became very painful. Finally the doctors agreed that this “cyst” should probably be removed if it was giving me that much trouble. The weekend after my prom I was scheduled for surgery. I remember going in the following Monday for the follow up with the doctor and seeing my dad show up in the middle of the day in his work clothes. I think by then I knew that something wasn’t right. With my parents by my side we got the bad news. There I was, diagnosed with breast cancer at age 17, only a week before my high school graduation.

I knew that I had to fight this. It was my only option. I just wanted to get past this part of my life and move on. I never gave myself a chance to actually deal with it. I worked the whole time I was sick. I made sure that even though I wasn’t in good enough health to go away to school that I still enrolled in college in the fall. I even made the honor roll. But I hung on to the pain and the anger and became very depressed. The first time that I attempted to do the Race for the Cure I walked behind a woman whose shirt read, “I survived it once, I survived it twice, and I will survive it again.” I was devastated. I couldn’t imagine what I would do if I had to go through all of this again. And what would be in store for me since I was so young in the first place? The youngest of these women were at least twice my age! I was convinced that no one, not even other survivors knew what it was like to be a kid and have to go through this. I had a total of 6 surgeries and went through months of chemo. I lost all of my hair. All of my friends left for college. Besides the love and compassion from my family, I felt very alone. And then there was Gwen.

Gwen was my hero and now I am convinced was my guardian angel. She did a lot for Komen and the Race for the Cure. She was an inspirational force having battled breast cancer an amazing 8 times. As part of a mentorship, Gwen was told of my “special case” and let me know that she was there to listen and to answer any questions that I might face in this situation. She just wanted me to know that I wasn’t alone. It took me a while before I could talk to her. I felt like she wouldn’t understand me either. But she was so kind and gentle and most of all patient. One situation sticks out in my head that just sums up how wonderful Gwen was. My mom and I were getting our yearly mammograms and I was called back because they found a spot that they wanted to get another look at. When we heard that news my mother and I sat in the waiting room crying hysterically in each other’s arms. We did not want to go through all of this again. Out of nowhere Gwen was there. She had no idea we would be there but out of the blue there was an extra set of arms around us. She told us that it was all going to be ok. Even if it were bad news, everything would be ok. She listened, offered us prayers and calmed us down. As it turns out, the spot ended up being nothing to worry about and we all went on our way. I found out weeks later that the news didn’t end up ok for Gwen. On that same day Gwen got bad news. In fact, she was probably walking out of her appointment when she saw us. But she was so selfless that she never brought up her own pain. After all of these years I still cry thinking about all of that. She was strong for me when I couldn’t be strong for myself and never asked for anything in return.

Gwen passed away on January 2nd, 2007. When I got the news something inside of me switched on. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and began to finally deal with all of the feelings and emotions that I had tried so much to hide for so long. I wanted to pick up the fight where she left off. I wanted to make her proud. I finally realized that even though the cancer was gone, cancer was going to eat away at my soul if I allowed myself to be sad for all it had taken away from me. I realized that the life that I had now was precious and worth celebrating. I wanted to make sure that Gwen and her wonderful spirit were never forgotten. That year we started the team for the Race for the Cure called “Alissa’s Hope”. Given my history, I would have never been able to walk for myself but walking for Gwen was a different story. Channel 5 did a piece on our team for the Komen Special and I got to tell the world about my story. Last year our team doubled our donations and our team size! I am so blessed to be able to have the opportunity to meet so many people who all care about the same thing. Last year I was also asked to hold the survivor banner for being one of the top survivor fundraisers and I couldn’t have done it without the support of people like you.

This year I will be celebrating my 10th year as a survivor. A friend has challenged us to raise $10,000 for Komen to celebrate. So that is what we are going to do. With the help of our 1st ever trivia night, Pinkapalooza, we hope to raise enough money to hit that 10k mark. This year we will walk the Race again and think of our friends who have fought this battle and those that are no longer here to be strong for others. If you have never done the Race before, there is small hill that you come to where as far as the eye can see there are people in front of you. A sea of pink, and you realize just how many people’s lives this disease has touched and how many people refuse to let this be a death sentence. It is overwhelming and will leave you feeling so fulfilled. And if that isn’t enough, turn around because it is the same scene behind you.

I really appreciate you taking the time to learn a little about me and the cause that you are supporting will go to benefit the Komen St. Louis Race for the Cure. If you would like to see the interviews from our first year please click on the links below.

Thanks so much for your support!